Being a Woman...

On this day, the 100th in the string of special days dedicated to women, I reflect upon what it means to be a woman, for me.When I was around 6years old, I wanted to be a boy because I liked the stuff which they did, playing cricket, climbing trees, whistling tunes, wearing pants and generally going boldly about. Little girls in frilly frocks and dolls who shrank from cockroaches and spiders used to make me quite sick! I played with dolls and kitchen sets but I hated all things 'girly'. I could whistle a mean tune even as early as that, I played cricket with the little boys in my colony,I pulled my socks over my pants (like princes in the fairy stories) and swung about whistling a tune, all carefree and happy when adolescence struck! I was more aware of being a woman, it dampened my style, I became more conscious of myself. I learnt music and dance, I gave up wearing pants and playing cricket. I still climbed walls when no one was looking, but things had changed...
I wanted to go out and play cricket, but something pulled me back! It was the first time I had encountered gender stereotypes. I believe that it is a great detering force more for women but in some measure for men too.
Then what is the essence of being a woman if you take away the gender stereotypes completely? I became the victim of my own inhibitions but my mother didn't, she was the quintessential tom boy, flying kites with the boys in the neighbourhood, a champion in short put and javelin in school and generally oblivious of what adolescent girls can or cannot do! Now what is it that makes us, two such different people, women? I wondered....
Then I hit upon it, ofcourse, this must be it! As women, I feel, we give much more importance to relationships. I have spent years listening to my grandmother chatting with all kinds of women, from her own mother to the neighbourhood women to our friends. She would start by asking someone whom she had met for the first time what the name of her grandfather was! Now if the person belonged to East bengal (what is now Bangladesh) there would be a glint in her eye and she would ask for the whole family tree ands end up finding some relation with the person with us with someone we know. A typical session with Didima, her mother would start with a premise like "Orur deorer bhairabhai akhon kemon aachhe?" ( How is the brother in law of the brother in law of Oru?) going on to a 2 hour analysis and deconstruction of the said persons family both paternal and matrimonial...it was fascinating! They were genuinely interested in all these people and I was genuinely interested in the conversations! My mother was never a great conversationalist but this understanding of relationships was expressed by her in another manner, she remembered who gave which piece of jewellery to her and in what occassion down to the last earing!! What's more, she can even remember those things about my pishi's jewellery! Now my pishi, though not one for remembering the origins of her jewellery, was keenly interested in women's position in and the nature of her relationships in society. I remember our debates on the dining table which ranged from 'do women with dark skin face a disadvantage in society' to 'impact of divorce on women'and they were very heated. Now, the manifestations might be different, but women have a deeper understanding of and responsibility towards all the relationships she has and those of all women around her. She is the epitome of empathy and duty. She jealously guards and cherishes her relationships, she is swayed by then, she derives strength from them...She takes her roles very seriously and she can make great sacrifices for her relationships. I am not saying that men can't do all these things, for women, the intensity is much more. I have seen the eyes of most of the men I know glaze over while women are discussing the exact relationship of one person to another in their extended family. Some are not sure about the relationships of people within their own families, but it is rare to find women with the same predicament. So be it a tomboy or a docile meiden, relationships will always remain prime in a woman's existence and she will try to honour them to the best of her ability.
On women's day I congratulate all the mothers who have diligently woken up with the alarm clock at ungodly hours in the morning to get their kids ready for school for years inspite of not being a morning person, I congratulate all the sisters who have given immense support to their siblings and stood by them through thick and thin, I congratulate the wives who have given up jobs to be with their husbands and kids, I congratulate daughters who have not forgotten or forsaken their parents, I congratulate grandmoms who have raised their grandchildren allowing their daughters and daughters in law to persue their careers, I congratualte mothers in law and daughters in law who have sorted out their relationship and succeeded in becoming friends. I continue to be amazed by the incresing number of women, who inspite of all hinderances continue to make a mark for themselves in the world. Happy women's day!