Monday, March 2, 2009

Its Been Twelve Years...

Well 12 years ago on this fateful day the Mr and I got married. I had hated the arraged marriage system where the boy's family visits the girl's and the girl has to appear in a sari and is asked questions like "tumi gaan gaite paro, Ma" ( Can you sing!?!) . But, yes I was put through this ordeal several times as my father was determined to marry me off and my mother used a lot of emotional 'atyachar' to make me agree. So after a lot of weeping by me and mom I did toe the line. Sometimes the boy's family rejected me and sometimes I rejected the boy, my life was thus passing in great agony when along comes this chap who seemed crazy enough to marry me.
My would be parents in law did not ask whether I can sing or cook, my father in law said "ah she has done Bed, she can persue MEd then..." Then the Mr and i were sent off to "talk" to each other. I was a little pissed off that day after the usual weeping and arguments so the first thing i asked was " why do you want to get married" - sending the Mr into a tizzy but he just smiled and tried to answer the question to the best of his ability. We then went on to othr things and we hardly realised that an hour had passed!
We met next in Delhi at the Mr's house. I was not in a sari and the meeting was informal. The Mr had found out that it had been my birthday a few days before, he wished me. He had also found out what I was up to a few days before from a common friend and he said so. That made me feel special, as if someone is looking out for me and is interested in what I was doing. But nothing had been finalized till then. Thereafter there was a long silence from the Mr and I thought I would never see him again, this is the first time I felt something for someone who my father had brought!
Actually my mom in law had taken seriously ill that's why there was no communication from their side. However, when my MIL became better they tried to get in trouch with us but my father had been transferred to Pune and Ma and I had gone visiting him (Ma and I continued to stay in Calcutta as I had joined Mphil and Ma was working, Baba stayed in the office guest house at Pune). The Mr then went to my brother's hostel (he was studying in Delhi then)and woke him up from deep slumber to get our number! After going through such a lot of trouble to find me, my parents in law decided to fix the date at once! So sitting in Pune, my marriage date was finalised and before I had the time to think all was fixed- my father too was fed up of me, I had said I liked the Mr so he did not give me a chance to think twice when they proposed.
Thereafter I found that the Mr is completely ignoring me and I could not meet him while my father went off to Delhi to talk with my in laws. I therefore sent a letter to the Mr through my father in which amongst other things I said that as he is getting married to me and not my father he should get acquinted with me first rather than closing in on every family member other than me. This letter opened the floodgates and cards and letters started pouring in .... I think we fell in love through our letters. The Mr has a way with words and the cards and letters said it all!
When I look back, in these twelve years we have grown in this relationship and our bond has become stronger after every test. The Mr, more than a husband has been a friend philosopher and guide. I think the relationship of husband and wife is the amalgamation of all other relationships....we are sometimes parents to each other, sometimes brother sister, sometimes child but at all times a friend. Thank you Mr for our life together...

8 comments:

2 B's mommy said...

That was such a wonderful, touching, heart warming and feel good post Diya. I was smiling all the way till the end of it.

Wish you both a very Happy 12th Anniversary !! Lots of hugs.

BTW, what are the plans for the day ?

Mishtu said...

That was really sweet Diya, and I wish you both a lot of happiness. I remember those few days that I spent with you before your wedding very fondly.

diya said...

The day was most ordinary but we stole some moments after the clock struck 12. I gave the Mr a card for a change! With the kids we hardly have time alone together, so that was precious. On Sunday we had gone to the fabulous Fabindia store near our house and bought shirts and tops for ourselves. Thus we had celebrated a few days in advance. I had got the Mr's favourite plum cake and we enjoyed that in the evening when he returned from office.

~nm said...

First of all belated anniversary wishes to you both. I've been kind of away from blogging world so didn't read this post until now.

It was really great to read your story. Isn't it so much fun remembering those moments? :D

rm said...

can anyone say it better..glad to read..yes i completely agree abt the marriage ..and the relation part..just wish all around are so blessed.

(new to ur blog ..find it comfortable here :-)

diya said...

-nm thanks...and yes, it was great to go back in time and think of those days. It is important in a relationship to remember how and why you came together in the first place...gives you strengh and conviction to carry on and keep the love alive no matter what!

rm- Thank you dear, and thanks once more for feeling comfortable. (I hope you hvn't seen my rants against terror of the militant and cultural type-most uncomfortable even to me sometimes. I too would have preferred to keep the blog relationship oriented- but I hv to vent my anger when these objectionable incidents take place.

mommyof2 said...

awwww.. beautiful post.. belated happy anniversay:-)

diya said...

Thanks mommyof2 for reading this far back on the blog and commenting too! Hope to see you often.